What happens when there's no "natural bond" created through adoption?

I am always baffled when people ask me, "How ever did you BOND with your adopted child(ren)? After all, they're not YOURS?"

Well, first off...they *ARE* mine. In every since of the word, except for the use of my own body to deliver them. I truly could not love them more if I had popped them out all by myself. However, the truth is that it has not always come naturally.

We adopted a beautiful sibling group of 3 several years ago; a strapping young boy & his two beautiful little sisters. As a mom who couldn't physically give birth to my own children, it was a dream come true for my husband and I.

However, I've always struggled with the whole "girly girl" thing. My own mom was never a hands-on kind of mom; she didn't get on the floor and play with my sisters and I, nor did she miraculously start playing Barbie dolls with us or constantly twirl our hair into beautiful creations ooh'd and ahh'd over by our friends at school or church. No, mom had been one of 13 kids in her family...where one on one affection was shown few and far between. But she did the best she could.

Why, then, am I so much harder on myself that I was on her? I seemed to inherit her non-girly-girl genes; rarely did I get on the floor with my children, and barely ever did I touch a Barbie or a hair clip. Even now, at 9 & 11, my girls fix their own hair - one loves to twirl hers into a new creation every half hour, the other (like myself) seems to fine with hers hanging in 20 directions & tassled with the wind.

While I've given my own mother grace in this area, I've beat myself up emotionally over and over again for not being a "better mom" to them, and investing more girly-girl time in them. Have I damaged them for any future motherhood of their own?

I don't think so....and a blog that I follow regularly posted this article this morning; and right after I read it, I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to forgive myself for ever thinking that my unconditional love for my kids was ever not enough for them. I realize now that I *DID* bond with my kids; all 3 of them. The ways I show my love for them may be different than I had planned, but they are no less than a miracle for this Mom.

When Mom Struggles With Bonding in Adoption